Marital and Divorce Issues

Coping With Divorce

No one walks down the aisle with divorce on his or her mind. Dreams of custody battles and financial frustrations don’t typically accompany that uniquely romantic moment. Yet divorce comes, sometimes when you least expect it. And the heartbreak doesn’t only impact the bride and groom — it’s the children who end up scared and uncertain as their family falls apart.

So what can you do? When divorce comes unexpectedly to your doorstep, how can you give your children the best chance to heal? How do you allow them the chance to be kids, answer their tough questions and ultimately help them move on to a future defined by hope and security?

It is no easy task, but you can help your children one step at a time.

Take care of yourself: As the sole parent, it’s important that you have some friends you can count on, boundaries in place and priorities settled.

Help your children heal: Take time in prayer, listen to their fears, be honest about your own shortcomings.

Let your kids be kids: It can be tempting to turn to your children for comfort and strength — but that forces young hearts to become adults all too soon.

Handle the tough questions: There will be times when your child will ask questions that tear at the very heart of you. Take a deep breath, sit with them and walk them through their feelings.

Believe for a future: Almost every single parent worries that their child will repeat the story – that their children will encounter divorce and hardship. Yet as you help your children heal, you will discover that history does not have to repeat itself.

Fotf.org

 

Restoring Your Marriage From Infidelity

Anger…fear…despair…guilt…shame…when a marriage is broken by adultery, the core struggles of the heart are revealed. When one spouse has profoundly hurt the other, is it possible for their marriage to be healed?

You are probably reading this article because adultery has jolted your marriage or the marriage of a family member or friend. You knew these things happened to others; you just never expected them to happen to you.

Let me assure you that you are not alone. Infidelity is more common than you might imagine. Be it an illicit kiss or full sexual union, even Christians have violated their vows to forsake all others and cling only to their spouse.

Maybe you’re the offended partner:

Anger: “I hate my spouse for what he did.” or “I despise the woman he slept with.”

Despair, hopelessness: “I’ll never get over this. My life is over.”

Fear: “What’s going to happen next? What do I do now?”

Jealousy: “I can’t believe he picked her over me.”

Regret, guilt: “I know I’ve failed; I drove him into her arms.”

Relief: “I suspected it; I’m glad it’s out. We’ve been living a lie too long.”

Revenge: “I’ll get him for this. I’ll hire the best attorney….”

Embarrassment, shame: “How can I face my family? What will my church say?”

Or maybe you’re the offender, and you’re having your own struggles (with little permission to feel or express them):

Guilt: “I have sinned; I really blew it this time.”

Anger: “If she had been a better wife, this wouldn’t have happened.” or “I can’t believe my buddy told on me.”

Fear: “What will my wife do to me? Will she forgive me, or is this the end? What will my church and family do?”

Despair, suicide: “I see no way out. My life is over. I may as well end it.”

Relief: “Deep down I’m glad I got caught. I’ve been living a lie. Now it’s over.”

Embarrassment, shame: “How will I face anyone ever again? I need to move away.”

Did you notice the overlap in the two lists? Crises like this reveal the core struggles in every human heart. At the end of the day, every one of us—offender, offended, or caring helper—needs the same Redeemer to minister to our particular battles.

THE STARTING POINT: THE GOD OF HOPE

Where do we begin to deal biblically with this marital crisis?

Ask God to help you believe his promises. No matter how well you know your Bible, in the coming days you will need fresh servings of daily bread. Don’t rest on past grace. Believe that God wants to meet you now in new ways.

We don’t know whether the writer of Psalm 46 envisioned an actual earthquake, an enemy invasion, or some other tragedy. But his imagery captures the devastation many spouses feel when they discover their partner’s unfaithfulness:

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. (vv.1–3)

adapted from article by Robert Jones

My husband is always angry

The following are from internet discussion postings. These are used rather than a list of signs in hope that the personal nature of them will create an adequate urgency to create safety in the home for persons in these situations.

kyla
I have been married for 12 years and have two great kids and a good relationship with my family. My problem is my husband…well he doesn’t do household chores, unless he feels like it. He likes to spend money, two cars…but what’s not acceptable is his anger. I’ve been the subject of verbal abuse, spitting, choking and cursing, so I decide to get separated. He hit me once and was arrested and charged. I can’t take his anger and this fear any more. He is always angry.

s.
My husband hit me once and he has anger problems. I need encouragement my husband punched our two year old.

i.
Your husband has obviously made some mistaken ideas about what is acceptable behavior at home. First you need to talk to your husband and find out what his concerns are. It’s time for you and your husband to sit down and talk, nice calmly and kindly. Why don’t you tell him what you like about the changes he has made in his behavior and ask him what it would take on your part to consistently bring out the best in him? Anyway…I think I will live the man who is always angry.

Guest
Mine too. I’m numb. Unable to be decent mother, friend, sister….. What the heck do you do?

myhusbandismean
My husband is also very angry, he gets mad over the littlest things, I’m so tired of waking up and being afraid of what’s going to p… him off today, if anyone has any advice I would gladly appreciate it because I don’t know what to do. Thank you.

dem
I too am going through the same thing 12 yrs of marriage and 2 kids. Filing for the divorce was the hardest thing to do, but what I come to learn through all this is that it is him not me. The men in your life obviously have an anger problem that won’t get resolved unless they get help professionally. My experience with my husband is that he is physically and mentally abusive. I literally had to walk on eggshells to prevent him from getting angry. My advice to you ladies is to NOT take this abuse, it will get worse I know I stayed for 12 years. Now my children too have to pay the price for his inconsiderate behavior.

Rosa G
my husband finds everything offensive for him everybody is trying to be better than him or everybody is trying to harm him or everybody is trying to give him false information my husband is wired also he says that me and him are stressed out he tells me to find a friend to talk to I do now he gets upset. Because we get invited to do cook outs now he says I want us to be alone
I don’t want them to go with us now we fight and my 4 children are hearing us fight. He is a very hard person to talk to help please.

Guest
My husband never smiles at me. He is always angry at me and my daughter. I wake every morning hoping and praying that “today” will be a good day, but something will always set him off. And of course it’s always something “I” did, or didn’t do, something I said or didn’t say etc. It’s always my fault. I have been trying to be strong but I feel weak and so tiered already. I don’t want to get separated, but I feel that’s where this is going. I can’t keep my husband happy and its making me SO unhappy. I find myself crying ALL the time, a lot of times, he doesn’t even know I’m crying, I hide it and pretend to be asleep (he falls asleep first) and when he does see me or hear me, he doesn’t care to comfort me like he use to. I don’t know what I am doing wrong? Everywhere we go I see happy couples and keep wishing I had a partner like that. He says he give me everything, a nice big house, a luxury car, designer bags/shoes etc. but I would give it all up for a lovable husband. Paying for my fancy things doesn’t prove anything, just control. All this hurt I have built up inside is killing me, I am starting to feel lots of anger and that really scares me. You know what hurts the most, when he mistreats or talks harshly to my daughter. I can take the mean words, but not her, she’s small and sensitive. She fears him so much and like me, she is always worried the “papi” is going to be mad or will get mad. She is not living a childhood, he is forcing her to grow up and be on her own and be super clean and neat. I use to run barefoot through mud puddles and then inside the house and my dad would laugh and hug me, mom would clean the mess. I wish she had “my” childhood. This is killing me so, so, bad. I just don’t know what to do, I have nothing and I can’t go to my parents. They “think” he is a good man and he makes me happy. I am the saddest and most depressed girl.

Please call us if you or someone you know may need help with an angry husband. Angry wives are as common as angry husbands, but the issues are often addressed in a different manner.