Handling Emotions

Dealing with Teen Anger

Is My Teen Just Angry or Is She an Angry Teen?

As an elementary public school teacher, I was appalled when one of my first grade students stood on a chair, threw his arms up and screamed, “I hate you!” followed by numerous expletives describing his feelings about me. Because I’d been a compliant child, I didn’t understand why so many of my students were angry and I didn’t know what to do.

Perhaps you’re at the end of your rope like I was. Not because you’re a teacher with angry students, but because the sweet baby you birthed is now an irritated four-to-seven year old who is pitching fits, screaming, yelling and throwing things.

You’re not alone.

Parents everywhere are wringing their hands in desperation because one — or more — of their elementary-aged children are out of control with anger.

Many people believe that kids are like little rubber people — trouble bounces off and nothing bothers them long term. However, anger is a sign that children feel deeply and are not as resilient as we might think. Why? Because anger is a response to pain. It’s like a blinking light on the dashboard of your car that tells you something is wrong under the hood. For this reason, wise parents will not ignore or minimize their child’s anger.

My husband is always angry

The following are from internet discussion postings. These are used rather than a list of signs in hope that the personal nature of them will create an adequate urgency to create safety in the home for persons in these situations.

-Anonymous

I have been married for 12 years and have two great kids and a good relationship with my family. My problem is my husband…well he doesn’t do household chores, unless he feels like it. He likes to spend money, two cars…but what’s not acceptable is his anger. I’ve been the subject of verbal abuse, spitting, choking and cursing, so I decide to get separated. He hit me once and was arrested and charged. I can’t take his anger and this fear any more. He is always angry.

-Anonymous

My husband hit me once and he has anger problems. I need encouragement my husband punched our two year old.

-Anonymous

Your husband has obviously made some mistaken ideas about what is acceptable behavior at home. First you need to talk to your husband and find out what his concerns are. It’s time for you and your husband to sit down and talk, nice calmly and kindly. Why don’t you tell him what you like about the changes he has made in his behavior and ask him what it would take on your part to consistently bring out the best in him? Anyway…I think I will live the man who is always angry.

-Anonymous

Mine too. I’m numb. Unable to be decent mother, friend, sister….. What the heck do you do?

-Anonymous

My husband is also very angry, he gets mad over the littlest things, I’m so tired of waking up and being afraid of what’s going to p… him off today, if anyone has any advice I would gladly appreciate it because I don’t know what to do. Thank you.

-Anonymous

I too am going through the same thing 12 yrs of marriage and 2 kids. Filing for the divorce was the hardest thing to do, but what I come to learn through all this is that it is him not me. The men in your life obviously have an anger problem that won’t get resolved unless they get help professionally. My experience with my husband is that he is physically and mentally abusive. I literally had to walk on eggshells to prevent him from getting angry. My advice to you ladies is to NOT take this abuse, it will get worse I know I stayed for 12 years. Now my children too have to pay the price for his inconsiderate behavior.

-Anonymous

my husband finds everything offensive for him everybody is trying to be better than him or everybody is trying to harm him or everybody is trying to give him false information my husband is wired also he says that me and him are stressed out he tells me to find a friend to talk to I do now he gets upset. Because we get invited to do cook outs now he says I want us to be alone
I don’t want them to go with us now we fight and my 4 children are hearing us fight. He is a very hard person to talk to help please.

-Anonymous

My husband never smiles at me. He is always angry at me and my daughter. I wake every morning hoping and praying that “today” will be a good day, but something will always set him off. And of course it’s always something “I” did, or didn’t do, something I said or didn’t say etc. It’s always my fault. I have been trying to be strong but I feel weak and so tiered already. I don’t want to get separated, but I feel that’s where this is going. I can’t keep my husband happy and its making me SO unhappy. I find myself crying ALL the time, a lot of times, he doesn’t even know I’m crying, I hide it and pretend to be asleep (he falls asleep first) and when he does see me or hear me, he doesn’t care to comfort me like he use to. I don’t know what I am doing wrong? Everywhere we go I see happy couples and keep wishing I had a partner like that. He says he give me everything, a nice big house, a luxury car, designer bags/shoes etc. but I would give it all up for a lovable husband. Paying for my fancy things doesn’t prove anything, just control. All this hurt I have built up inside is killing me, I am starting to feel lots of anger and that really scares me. You know what hurts the most, when he mistreats or talks harshly to my daughter. I can take the mean words, but not her, she’s small and sensitive. She fears him so much and like me, she is always worried the “papi” is going to be mad or will get mad. She is not living a childhood, he is forcing her to grow up and be on her own and be super clean and neat. I use to run barefoot through mud puddles and then inside the house and my dad would laugh and hug me, mom would clean the mess. I wish she had “my” childhood. This is killing me so, so, bad. I just don’t know what to do, I have nothing and I can’t go to my parents. They “think” he is a good man and he makes me happy. I am the saddest and most depressed girl.

-Anonymous

Please call us at Tampa Bay Counseling if you or someone you know may need help with an angry husband. Angry wives are as common as angry husbands, but the issues are often addressed in a different manner.